Carnegie writes, "Any fool can criticize, condemn or complain- and most fools do." He continues on to say that it takes character and self-control to be forgiving, this discipline will pay major dividends in your relationships with people.
Carnegie uses Schwab as an example throughout the book, as someone who exemplifies all of the tenets Carnegie preaches. Schwab used praise as the foundation of all of his relationships, "In my wide association in life, meeting with many and great people in various parts of the world," Schwab declared, "I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted in their station who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than they would ever do under a spirit of criticism."
Remembering people's names when you meet them is difficult. You casually meet a lot of people so it's challenging, but if you can train yourself to remember people's names, it makes them feel special and important. Carnegie writes, "Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language."
Remembering a person's name, asking them questions that encourage them to talk about themselves so you discover their interests and passions are what make people believe you like them, so they in turn like you. Carnegie writes, "You make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." If you break it down, you should listen 75% and only speak 25% of the time.
One things people do not discuss much in the job search industry is that so much of getting an opportunity is not about talent, where you went to college or who you know, it is people liking you. A good resume may get you in the door, but charm, social skills and talent keep you there, and people will normally pick someone they enjoy being around over a candidate they don't enjoy being around as much but is more talented. Become someone people want to talk to, be genuinely interested in other people, because it will enrich your life and open so many more doors than you ever thought possible.
Nothing will make people less defensive and more agreeable than you being humble and reasonable enough to admit your own mistakes. Having strong and stable personal and professional relationships relies on you taking responsibility for your actions, especially your mistakes. Nothing will help end tension or a disagreement more than a swift acknowledgment and apology on your part.
The best way to win any argument, Carnegie writes, is to avoid it.Even if you completely dismantle someone's argument with objective facts, you won't be any closer to reaching an agreement than if you made personal arguments. Carnegie cited an old saying: "A man convinced against his will/Is of the same opinion still."
If you are having a disagreement with someone, you start on common ground and ease your way into the difficult subjects. If you begin on polarizing ground, you'll never be able to recover, and may lose ground with subjects on which you agree.
People can not be forced to believe anything, and persuasive people understand the power of suggestion over demand. Learn to plant the seed, and instead of telling people they're wrong, find the common ground and persuade them that what they really want is your desired outcome (obviously without telling them that is the case).
Smiling, knowing people's names, praising people, making an effort to know their interests and chat about them make people feel important. That is the underlying point of all of the above principles. If you make people feel important, how you walk through the world will be an exponentially more pleasant and incredible experience.